Quarantine & Childhood wounds dripping| Cptsd

Sending you my love and blessings,

Quarantine in full fledge, I pray you are doing well. I am sure you want to do the best and it is ok if you are not able to meet your full potential. We are on a similar ship, we are in this together and the only thing we can do right now is row and try and stay afloat. This time is a bootcamp to connect with ourselves and our beloved around the four walls of our suddenly unfamiliar homes.

It is a Sunday, and here where we live; Sundays most places (all’ish) are closed and people have been conditioned to rest and be engrossed in themselves and with their loved ones. A more natural feeling to be indoors today. We have just stepped in from a walk actually.

We’ve been out everyday for play thankfully, in the warmth of the sunshine when stood in front of her, she plays too and we try and catch a hug or two before she disappears. Springs beauty is fully on its way, and boy are we ready. Or are we?

Friday and Saturday I decided we needed rest and to practise this full isolation thingy. I knew that it would definitely allow us to meet ourselves.

Gosh did it- Yes, my children Included.

I guess, my moon cycle has a part to play but really that is just an excuse. We do it often, us women- give excuses, reasons and explainations for why we feel the things we feel. We should just feel them. No explanations, just simple self validation.

Uncomplicated huh!

I know, for me the last couple of days have brought stuff up, and a lot of it is rooted in childhood. This isolation triggers sensations and memories and perhaps the things I could have or should have know, or actually be taught growing up. It suddenly plays scenarios to you, because wow you have time to ruminate..and suddenly there is an urgency to equip your children with all that you know. Let’s hold our horses shall we.

You see our minds are programs and whenever we are faced with a testing situation, it rummages through this program in a section of our brain- called the subconscious mind and basically it goes through a story of the past in order to make sense of the feelings and sensations happening in your body ‘currently‘. It searches for familiarity in the experience so as to find a clue to validate this present experience that is happening right now inside of you. If the experience is familiar and good (brings a sensation of safety and strength) it calms your nervous system down. However, if the experience is familiar but not so good (the sensation brings up fear or pain) then your nervous system automatically goes into fight, flight, freeze or fawn responses. These are the coping mechanisms that, depending on your upbringing- you may fall into and sometimes it is a mixture depending on the situation.

I am fully aware that coping mechanisms teach and comfort us and keep us safe- but it is also the very way that leads us through a vicious cycle of being trapped in ways of the past that we are no longer living in the current present. It destroys our health and mental well being and fundementally keeps us unaware of ourselves and our history.

So really, what I am getting at is..if you are feeling ways, uncomfortable to your norm in these times of quarantine, this is an opportunity to make sense of things and give yourself time to sort through what is not yours to carry.

The work here, in terms of healing childhood wounds is to recognise your history, and that of those who raised you and raised them and any contact you had in your early years. This helps you be more compassionate to yourself in your journey to creating a wholesome version of you. Not that you’re not whole, an adapted version of your true potential should I SAY.

Healing ultimately is recognising and making sense of the way you deal and handle your emotions, feelings, bodily sensations and training yourself to find ease through them and new ways of coping. Essentially, our bodies are our inner child, the healing is in integration of that child and teaching it how to live inside of you more peacefully.

New crisis, such as this quarantine can bring up old triggering experiences. When you feel this, try bring awareness to it, release it through that awareness. If it triggers pain- feeling that pain for it to leave your system i.e through crying, writing, talking, meditating and breath work or pushing a bag if you like will really help release it from your body.

Trust me guys, this works and I only speak from experience.

I am sure you know this, but our mind loves to problem solve and I found that although overthinking isn’t healthy to degree, it is necessary to a point in order to make sense of things to and stop allowing yourself to replay and come back to old wounds.

Understanding heals, and feeling allows it to travel and make its way outside of the body.

You know yourself, you know you’re own history, and how you got to where you are in life at least, and that is a start. This healing is quiet the experience but I think it is a very beautiful and humbling one, the more you feel and acknowledge its truth, shame really has no space. You are free to live in your body comfortably.

In sha Allah.

Love & Light

Ilham

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s