How to generate your own HAPPI

Hello loves,

How are you all doing? I pray you’re all doing well. Please let us know how quarantine is treating you and any tips you have for us?

I wanted to share my most recent video if you are not following along already on YouTube. Come join us over there, I would love to see\hear from you!

I appreciate you all so much, sending you warm hugs xxx

Quarantine & Childhood wounds dripping| Cptsd

Sending you my love and blessings,

Quarantine in full fledge, I pray you are doing well. I am sure you want to do the best and it is ok if you are not able to meet your full potential. We are on a similar ship, we are in this together and the only thing we can do right now is row and try and stay afloat. This time is a bootcamp to connect with ourselves and our beloved around the four walls of our suddenly unfamiliar homes.

It is a Sunday, and here where we live; Sundays most places (all’ish) are closed and people have been conditioned to rest and be engrossed in themselves and with their loved ones. A more natural feeling to be indoors today. We have just stepped in from a walk actually.

We’ve been out everyday for play thankfully, in the warmth of the sunshine when stood in front of her, she plays too and we try and catch a hug or two before she disappears. Springs beauty is fully on its way, and boy are we ready. Or are we?

Friday and Saturday I decided we needed rest and to practise this full isolation thingy. I knew that it would definitely allow us to meet ourselves.

Gosh did it- Yes, my children Included.

I guess, my moon cycle has a part to play but really that is just an excuse. We do it often, us women- give excuses, reasons and explainations for why we feel the things we feel. We should just feel them. No explanations, just simple self validation.

Uncomplicated huh!

I know, for me the last couple of days have brought stuff up, and a lot of it is rooted in childhood. This isolation triggers sensations and memories and perhaps the things I could have or should have know, or actually be taught growing up. It suddenly plays scenarios to you, because wow you have time to ruminate..and suddenly there is an urgency to equip your children with all that you know. Let’s hold our horses shall we.

You see our minds are programs and whenever we are faced with a testing situation, it rummages through this program in a section of our brain- called the subconscious mind and basically it goes through a story of the past in order to make sense of the feelings and sensations happening in your body ‘currently‘. It searches for familiarity in the experience so as to find a clue to validate this present experience that is happening right now inside of you. If the experience is familiar and good (brings a sensation of safety and strength) it calms your nervous system down. However, if the experience is familiar but not so good (the sensation brings up fear or pain) then your nervous system automatically goes into fight, flight, freeze or fawn responses. These are the coping mechanisms that, depending on your upbringing- you may fall into and sometimes it is a mixture depending on the situation.

I am fully aware that coping mechanisms teach and comfort us and keep us safe- but it is also the very way that leads us through a vicious cycle of being trapped in ways of the past that we are no longer living in the current present. It destroys our health and mental well being and fundementally keeps us unaware of ourselves and our history.

So really, what I am getting at is..if you are feeling ways, uncomfortable to your norm in these times of quarantine, this is an opportunity to make sense of things and give yourself time to sort through what is not yours to carry.

The work here, in terms of healing childhood wounds is to recognise your history, and that of those who raised you and raised them and any contact you had in your early years. This helps you be more compassionate to yourself in your journey to creating a wholesome version of you. Not that you’re not whole, an adapted version of your true potential should I SAY.

Healing ultimately is recognising and making sense of the way you deal and handle your emotions, feelings, bodily sensations and training yourself to find ease through them and new ways of coping. Essentially, our bodies are our inner child, the healing is in integration of that child and teaching it how to live inside of you more peacefully.

New crisis, such as this quarantine can bring up old triggering experiences. When you feel this, try bring awareness to it, release it through that awareness. If it triggers pain- feeling that pain for it to leave your system i.e through crying, writing, talking, meditating and breath work or pushing a bag if you like will really help release it from your body.

Trust me guys, this works and I only speak from experience.

I am sure you know this, but our mind loves to problem solve and I found that although overthinking isn’t healthy to degree, it is necessary to a point in order to make sense of things to and stop allowing yourself to replay and come back to old wounds.

Understanding heals, and feeling allows it to travel and make its way outside of the body.

You know yourself, you know you’re own history, and how you got to where you are in life at least, and that is a start. This healing is quiet the experience but I think it is a very beautiful and humbling one, the more you feel and acknowledge its truth, shame really has no space. You are free to live in your body comfortably.

In sha Allah.

Love & Light

Ilham

On ambition and recreating oneself..

turned on silver macbook on white bed

Dear diary,

I’m totes starting this off with laugh hehe! I’m poorly, I think being sick just makes me want to recreate my WHOLE life. Literally! Honestly, good consistent health is such a blessing. We definitely need to purify as human beings and remember what it is that we need to come back to in order to cultivate this. Good food, rest, and just being- coz we’re not doing enough of it. tbh.

So this weekend I am having a proper self mothering weekend. Where I nurse myself back to health. Being a doer, it’s super hard for me to not be doing- Like I have had to teach myself to be a couch potato. not completely but you know.

Just taking time, and not being so desperate to be doing again, though mothering oneself takes effort- I think when doing it out of pure love and compassion for oneself, it is easier.

ok, so I keep speaking it aloud.

So I have had thoughts on ambition and how being self driven can only take one so far- I think inspiration is beautiful but company and having people on the same path as you is even better..so I think soon enough, I’ll be seeking those on the same path. Like, I’ll add it to my prayers.

But first, reinvention. Organise your space, dance while your doing it. Um, skin care, hair care, buy that dress, and that hijab. oh, and those trainers. book that ticket.

So basically I did my 30’s and now I am doing my 20’s.

Goodnight!

Are you energetically sensitive?

Hello & welcome my dears,

I sometimes have a tendency to create videos on a whim, and that is what feels most right to me at times. I tend to receive personal questions from time to time and I respond quite personally. This often tends to spark an urge to sit down UNPLANNED and talk or advice but doing it more generally without attaching it to the actual dilemma.

I filmed the video below after work, on an hour break before collecting my children from preschool\school. I felt it, I felt that with or without it being ‘intended‘ I could sit down and just be there. In it.

I am trying to show up in small ways as I have a burning desire to share my learnings and I get it. I really get the struggle but I know also that sometimes after one has crossed a hurdle in life, it is really easy to pack away the struggle..having done (still doing) this work on myself..I know, it has purpose and sharing that is the mission I’m braving.

Ultimately, we are always in transcendence and every encounter and experience has purpose, has teaching, brings with it a message that should be shared and there is no perfect way of presenting that. Just people, in this time who can relate, who can benefit, who will find comfort, who too; someday will also go on to teach and transcend.

So, I present to you- a tired eyed mama, showing up as her best, in this moment, with a message and loving reminder. Virtual hugs!

Ilham

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Welcome New Season, Year- Decade.

people walking on grass field

Peace be with you-

Gosh, Where can I even start?

Firstly, I would like to send you all love and light and thank you ever so much from the depths of my heart for being here (even you lovely silent readers), which is absolutely fine with me; I feel your warm presence.

I guess a New Season is upon us. A new decade. A chance to set new intensions. So again I am here to share some of them with you. Before I do so, maybe I should get a little uncomfortable in sharing some of the things I have released this past year, as well as the bounties of Allah upon me.

In 2019 I mourned, and deeply. Especially at the start of the year, I worked through attachment trauma & more codependency stuff- this time in connection to my children.

I mourned the fear of abandonment or loosing them. I mourned familial relationships and dug deep into forgiveness and exploring that, and truly experiencing what that feels like and giving myself time. I did a lot of shadow work around ‘Ego’ and really studied myself in that aspect.

God, I really felt like I lived 3 years in one this past year. Like, I received the barakah of time Alhamdulilaah. I grew, in many ways. I grew in self belief and even more confidence. I learnt that my voice will set me free and I am the only person who is able to give myself permission. 

Sometimes God presents situationships to get you to crack and release. I prayed for this, and yet I was so desperate for the intense feeling to disappear. I literally felt like tearing out of my body. That bad. I guess this is my healing, and perhaps reading this may confuse you.. but YOUR healing, is yours and it doesn’t have to look, or sound like anyone elses’.

I feel I have entered my season of rebuilding, I have been rebuilding while releasing simultaneously- and that is how it goes. Break a knot, cement a brick. This is not to say things do not come up, it simply means I recognise them, they affect me less and I am in charge now.

As for blessings, I invested in myself fully. In the best possible way I could, a little each day. Some in bigger ways’ that I could only imagine in 2018, I dreamed it up a year in advance. I was always preparing myself for it, to receive. So, I will leave blessings here because there were many many small ones and even if I wanted to- I couldn’t count or mention them all to you but I will say this, chaos and beauty can really co-exist.

We’ve taken the lesson, we’ve grown through it, we’re letting go.

This is life.

My 2020 Theme is Love, Abundance, Expansion. I am seeking it.

Love, Abundance, Expansion in Self Love & Self Care, Relationships (all types), in Community, in Passions, in Employment, in Travel.

I am really looking forward to being intensional in this pursuit. These three words, are the words I will continue to come back to and explore anytime I am feeling in a rut, or I fall off track. I will read around this, listen around this and take action around this.

In sha Allah.

Very simple. I thought I’d share and I hope you find solace and inspiration.

Love,

your sister Ilham.

Embracing the way we express..

brown wooden dock over body of water

The way our emotions literally swallow us up in the moment is bewildering. We humans are complex. Life has its ebbs and flows- nothing is permanent. Grace is found in between the difficult if we are willing to take a closer look. I find a need to express some deep truths, so as to release them, exhaled. Distant. Gone.

I mean, feelings are a human experience; given to us by our creator. There should be no shame in that. Does it make me ugly? maybe. I am willing to take the label- as long as it sets me free. I am more light this way, I’ve grown new wings this way, held myself a little tighter this way. I’ve healed this way.

I have certainly taken the lesson I was meant to learn this year, I have learnt it. I can breathe again. I am breathing. Alhamdulilaah.

My Loves,

Give yourselves space, hold space for all the parts of you that you’d hate anyone to see or hear about. Also, Give yourself the space to be in a bad place, its ok. There is freedom there.

Ilham.

Acceptance: A safe haven in hardship By Sincerely, Sumayah

green cactus plant beside white wooden photo frame

Hello my loves,

Since my recent post, I have been trying to be kind to myself. I have been taking it slow and I am grateful for this opportunity, in the face of what is ahead.

I have also been listening to some beneficial things to help me in processing some of the things I have been feeling and the Podcast I have listed below, by Sincerely, Sumayah is one of them.

This was a beautiful lesson and I have drawn two take aways that stood out.

Number 1- that Allah is always on our side and HE subhanahuwata3ala is our safe haven and that He will find us a way out of every difficulty.

And Number 2- to think back to a time, where a situation was so unbearable, that you couldn’t imagine how to get out and still Allah found you a way out. Just replaying that truth, the Haqq that Allah did that for me, brings so much comfort to the soul.

Below is the Podcast, Happy listening and please keep me in your generous Duas.

Click here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sincerely-sumayah-episode-14-acceptance-safe-haven/id1442120469?i=1000450618348

I am well Alhamdulilaah, by His permission.

Your sister,

Ilham.

 

 

Welcoming in Summer | Ideas to Self care

aerial view of seashore near large grey rocks

Just like that we are in a new season..SUMMER is finally here!!!

It has been scorching hot where I am as soon as Summer arrived. I am very blessed to experience every season the exact way it should be. In recent years, I have really been trying to embrace every season for what it brings, because each season most definitely has unique gifts to offer.

I wanted to come on here and motivate you with some ideas on welcoming Summer. I did write up a similar post on welcoming Spring but I will try my best to make this fresh and appealing.

Firstly, I would like you to cultivate a mindset of transition and treat this like project YOU. Of course we all make changes, but often times we make these changes on autopilot. I really want you to bring presence to this, I want you to bring back enjoyment of serving yourself and your needs. I want to remind you to enjoy life, in the MIDST of the STRUGGLE. There will always be something tugging at you and always something seemingly important to distract you. Living is for NOW, in between it all; Something we are not often reminded.

So the first thing I want to encourage you to do is a written brain dump. Write down all your personal complaints- and then go back and try and write down solutions for yourself. Sometimes solutions include cutting things or people out. Other times it can mean delegating tasks, maybe an earlier wake up time or eating better can help. Solitude to think things through and have time for yourself OR it can also be investing in yourself. Perhaps getting away for a while to a new environment, or reinventing yourself. Your solutions are many, you just have to invest some time to listen to yourself and actually be honest about your thoughts and feelings  however painful. 

It is very important you do the above to get some clarity, otherwise you will serve yourself the wrong solutions.

Smoothies: I am trying to commit to a daily morning smoothie or some fruits and water as a start to my day; leaving myself an hour before I have anything else to eat. This morning it was a batch of strawberries and water! I usually opt for a simple green smoothie of Spinach, Banana, dates or figs with almond milk. If you want to get your nutrients in, shed some winter weight and heal your body then smoothies are a great way to start your day. Note, that it is best not to consume coffee beforehand and also to give yourself some time to absorb all the goodness into your body!

Adventure and Play: Yesterday, my children and I went swimming but this time we went to swimming baths with swerving\swirling slides and we slid down in pairs several times. It was thrilling, I nurtured my inner child and raised my serotonin levels (the feel good chemical that regulates mood) through laughter and play, which lets face it- I don’t really get much of outside in the real world.  This was also a great bonding time with my children. This Summer, search for small but consistent things you can do to raise your vibration and feel good hormones in your body.

Declutter: Something that I recently did was fold away ALL my Autumn\Winter clothing into separate wardrobes. I created a Spring and Summer wardrobe ‘capsule‘ if you like and I can now see all that I own and so I can make full use of the clothing I already have. If I do buy something new, I intend for it to be a neutral in tone so that it is versitile and I can wear it over and over again. Do you separate seasonal clothing? I love to organise and purge out once in a while but I thought I’d get more intensional and create new habits.

Connect: Reach out and connect with people from different walks of life, bond at least over one common thing. That could be a hobby, or the fact that you have kids of similar ages, culture, faith. Back in May, I reached out on Instagram to ask anyone who lived in and around the city I lived in, if they wanted to bond over activities for our children. I surprisingly got a couple of responses Ma Sha Allah and we met up the weekend after Eid.

I suggested we visit and meet up in the cities Anthropology and Cultural Museum. It was great because we were actually learning all about museums as part of our Nature Study! The day was nice, I always enjoy meeting new people. Also, Nothing ever goes smooth sailing ( lost my eldest for a good 10 mins) haha! but it is all in the perspective we bring to a situation. This Summer, search for people to bond over in a small area of your life, I think we need to get comfortable with not finding that one amazing friend or friends, but rather cultivate different people we can bond with over different things.

Rest: I have found being on the go and the outdoors healing but I also recognise my need to rest. The Summers before, if I’m honest I was trying to fill the mum guilt in me by going out at noon when the Sun was at its hottest. I love being out earlier, especially since I like to give the children time to wind down and have some free play in the evenings; instead of rushing them into bed. I guess I have to accept Summer is an exception. That we should leave later and come home later and maybe we should rush to bed?! That the mornings and early afternoons should be a time for the slow and rest. Of course that isn’t always possible because life, but I have made some tweaks for us. Just a thought!

Travel: This Summer, travel is not on the radar or atleast abroad anyway. I also want to be brave and not rule it out completely, so I hope to be investing in a getaway in the country we are living in! A change of environment and scenery is good for the soul. We can either dwell on what we can’t do or have or we can make the most of the opportunities at our fingers. I am choosing the latter. Give yourself the gift of travel, no matter WHERE that is, you’ll always have seen or learnt something new, if not about your environment, about YOU. I really love the quote ‘Travel far enough and you will meet yourself’ 🙂

Leave me comment below on some of your Self Care Summer ideas, I’d be interested to know and we could all benefit.

Love,

Ilham

 

3 Mindset Habits for Single Mums Video..

Hello my Dears,

I wanted to share a video I posted on Youtube today; sometimes I do feel, ‘ Why would anyone want to hear these things?’ surely they know all this already? .. So I take a step back and remind myself of how I never used to practise these things and how difficult it was to emotionally preserve and evolve through these habits.

I share 3 points in my single parenting journey that have shifted my Mindset. I think this will benefit any Mother, especially if you are a solo parent and need that extra push and reminder.

I know how important it is to find people on similar journeys or at similar stages in life, so I try to create with that in mind , vulnerabilities aside.

With that said, I really do hope you take comfort in hearing my encouragement and I pray it brings light to you wherever you may be!

 

Love,

Ilham