Welcome New Season, Year- Decade.

people walking on grass field

Peace be with you-

Gosh, Where can I even start?

Firstly, I would like to send you all love and light and thank you ever so much from the depths of my heart for being here (even you lovely silent readers), which is absolutely fine with me; I feel your warm presence.

I guess a New Season is upon us. A new decade. A chance to set new intensions. So again I am here to share some of them with you. Before I do so, maybe I should get a little uncomfortable in sharing some of the things I have released this past year, as well as the bounties of Allah upon me.

In 2019 I mourned, and deeply. Especially at the start of the year, I worked through attachment trauma & more codependency stuff- this time in connection to my children.

I mourned the fear of abandonment or loosing them. I mourned familial relationships and dug deep into forgiveness and exploring that, and truly experiencing what that feels like and giving myself time. I did a lot of shadow work around ‘Ego’ and really studied myself in that aspect.

God, I really felt like I lived 3 years in one this past year. Like, I received the barakah of time Alhamdulilaah. I grew, in many ways. I grew in self belief and even more confidence. I learnt that my voice will set me free and I am the only person who is able to give myself permission. 

Sometimes God presents situationships to get you to crack and release. I prayed for this, and yet I was so desperate for the intense feeling to disappear. I literally felt like tearing out of my body. That bad. I guess this is my healing, and perhaps reading this may confuse you.. but YOUR healing, is yours and it doesn’t have to look, or sound like anyone elses’.

I feel I have entered my season of rebuilding, I have been rebuilding while releasing simultaneously- and that is how it goes. Break a knot, cement a brick. This is not to say things do not come up, it simply means I recognise them, they affect me less and I am in charge now.

As for blessings, I invested in myself fully. In the best possible way I could, a little each day. Some in bigger ways’ that I could only imagine in 2018, I dreamed it up a year in advance. I was always preparing myself for it, to receive. So, I will leave blessings here because there were many many small ones and even if I wanted to- I couldn’t count or mention them all to you but I will say this, chaos and beauty can really co-exist.

We’ve taken the lesson, we’ve grown through it, we’re letting go.

This is life.

My 2020 Theme is Love, Abundance, Expansion. I am seeking it.

Love, Abundance, Expansion in Self Love & Self Care, Relationships (all types), in Community, in Passions, in Employment, in Travel.

I am really looking forward to being intensional in this pursuit. These three words, are the words I will continue to come back to and explore anytime I am feeling in a rut, or I fall off track. I will read around this, listen around this and take action around this.

In sha Allah.

Very simple. I thought I’d share and I hope you find solace and inspiration.

Love,

your sister Ilham.

Embracing the way we express..

brown wooden dock over body of water

The way our emotions literally swallow us up in the moment is bewildering. We humans are complex. Life has its ebbs and flows- nothing is permanent. Grace is found in between the difficult if we are willing to take a closer look. I find a need to express some deep truths, so as to release them, exhaled. Distant. Gone.

I mean, feelings are a human experience; given to us by our creator. There should be no shame in that. Does it make me ugly? maybe. I am willing to take the label- as long as it sets me free. I am more light this way, I’ve grown new wings this way, held myself a little tighter this way. I’ve healed this way.

I have certainly taken the lesson I was meant to learn this year, I have learnt it. I can breathe again. I am breathing. Alhamdulilaah.

My Loves,

Give yourselves space, hold space for all the parts of you that you’d hate anyone to see or hear about. Also, Give yourself the space to be in a bad place, its ok. There is freedom there.

Ilham.

Acceptance: A safe haven in hardship By Sincerely, Sumayah

green cactus plant beside white wooden photo frame

Hello my loves,

Since my recent post, I have been trying to be kind to myself. I have been taking it slow and I am grateful for this opportunity, in the face of what is ahead.

I have also been listening to some beneficial things to help me in processing some of the things I have been feeling and the Podcast I have listed below, by Sincerely, Sumayah is one of them.

This was a beautiful lesson and I have drawn two take aways that stood out.

Number 1- that Allah is always on our side and HE subhanahuwata3ala is our safe haven and that He will find us a way out of every difficulty.

And Number 2- to think back to a time, where a situation was so unbearable, that you couldn’t imagine how to get out and still Allah found you a way out. Just replaying that truth, the Haqq that Allah did that for me, brings so much comfort to the soul.

Below is the Podcast, Happy listening and please keep me in your generous Duas.

Click here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sincerely-sumayah-episode-14-acceptance-safe-haven/id1442120469?i=1000450618348

I am well Alhamdulilaah, by His permission.

Your sister,

Ilham.

 

 

Welcoming in Summer | Ideas to Self care

aerial view of seashore near large grey rocks

Just like that we are in a new season..SUMMER is finally here!!!

It has been scorching hot where I am as soon as Summer arrived. I am very blessed to experience every season the exact way it should be. In recent years, I have really been trying to embrace every season for what it brings, because each season most definitely has unique gifts to offer.

I wanted to come on here and motivate you with some ideas on welcoming Summer. I did write up a similar post on welcoming Spring but I will try my best to make this fresh and appealing.

Firstly, I would like you to cultivate a mindset of transition and treat this like project YOU. Of course we all make changes, but often times we make these changes on autopilot. I really want you to bring presence to this, I want you to bring back enjoyment of serving yourself and your needs. I want to remind you to enjoy life, in the MIDST of the STRUGGLE. There will always be something tugging at you and always something seemingly important to distract you. Living is for NOW, in between it all; Something we are not often reminded.

So the first thing I want to encourage you to do is a written brain dump. Write down all your personal complaints- and then go back and try and write down solutions for yourself. Sometimes solutions include cutting things or people out. Other times it can mean delegating tasks, maybe an earlier wake up time or eating better can help. Solitude to think things through and have time for yourself OR it can also be investing in yourself. Perhaps getting away for a while to a new environment, or reinventing yourself. Your solutions are many, you just have to invest some time to listen to yourself and actually be honest about your thoughts and feelings  however painful. 

It is very important you do the above to get some clarity, otherwise you will serve yourself the wrong solutions.

Smoothies: I am trying to commit to a daily morning smoothie or some fruits and water as a start to my day; leaving myself an hour before I have anything else to eat. This morning it was a batch of strawberries and water! I usually opt for a simple green smoothie of Spinach, Banana, dates or figs with almond milk. If you want to get your nutrients in, shed some winter weight and heal your body then smoothies are a great way to start your day. Note, that it is best not to consume coffee beforehand and also to give yourself some time to absorb all the goodness into your body!

Adventure and Play: Yesterday, my children and I went swimming but this time we went to swimming baths with swerving\swirling slides and we slid down in pairs several times. It was thrilling, I nurtured my inner child and raised my serotonin levels (the feel good chemical that regulates mood) through laughter and play, which lets face it- I don’t really get much of outside in the real world.  This was also a great bonding time with my children. This Summer, search for small but consistent things you can do to raise your vibration and feel good hormones in your body.

Declutter: Something that I recently did was fold away ALL my Autumn\Winter clothing into separate wardrobes. I created a Spring and Summer wardrobe ‘capsule‘ if you like and I can now see all that I own and so I can make full use of the clothing I already have. If I do buy something new, I intend for it to be a neutral in tone so that it is versitile and I can wear it over and over again. Do you separate seasonal clothing? I love to organise and purge out once in a while but I thought I’d get more intensional and create new habits.

Connect: Reach out and connect with people from different walks of life, bond at least over one common thing. That could be a hobby, or the fact that you have kids of similar ages, culture, faith. Back in May, I reached out on Instagram to ask anyone who lived in and around the city I lived in, if they wanted to bond over activities for our children. I surprisingly got a couple of responses Ma Sha Allah and we met up the weekend after Eid.

I suggested we visit and meet up in the cities Anthropology and Cultural Museum. It was great because we were actually learning all about museums as part of our Nature Study! The day was nice, I always enjoy meeting new people. Also, Nothing ever goes smooth sailing ( lost my eldest for a good 10 mins) haha! but it is all in the perspective we bring to a situation. This Summer, search for people to bond over in a small area of your life, I think we need to get comfortable with not finding that one amazing friend or friends, but rather cultivate different people we can bond with over different things.

Rest: I have found being on the go and the outdoors healing but I also recognise my need to rest. The Summers before, if I’m honest I was trying to fill the mum guilt in me by going out at noon when the Sun was at its hottest. I love being out earlier, especially since I like to give the children time to wind down and have some free play in the evenings; instead of rushing them into bed. I guess I have to accept Summer is an exception. That we should leave later and come home later and maybe we should rush to bed?! That the mornings and early afternoons should be a time for the slow and rest. Of course that isn’t always possible because life, but I have made some tweaks for us. Just a thought!

Travel: This Summer, travel is not on the radar or atleast abroad anyway. I also want to be brave and not rule it out completely, so I hope to be investing in a getaway in the country we are living in! A change of environment and scenery is good for the soul. We can either dwell on what we can’t do or have or we can make the most of the opportunities at our fingers. I am choosing the latter. Give yourself the gift of travel, no matter WHERE that is, you’ll always have seen or learnt something new, if not about your environment, about YOU. I really love the quote ‘Travel far enough and you will meet yourself’ 🙂

Leave me comment below on some of your Self Care Summer ideas, I’d be interested to know and we could all benefit.

Love,

Ilham

 

3 Mindset Habits for Single Mums Video..

Hello my Dears,

I wanted to share a video I posted on Youtube today; sometimes I do feel, ‘ Why would anyone want to hear these things?’ surely they know all this already? .. So I take a step back and remind myself of how I never used to practise these things and how difficult it was to emotionally preserve and evolve through these habits.

I share 3 points in my single parenting journey that have shifted my Mindset. I think this will benefit any Mother, especially if you are a solo parent and need that extra push and reminder.

I know how important it is to find people on similar journeys or at similar stages in life, so I try to create with that in mind , vulnerabilities aside.

With that said, I really do hope you take comfort in hearing my encouragement and I pray it brings light to you wherever you may be!

 

Love,

Ilham

How to START loving yourself | Self Love for the REAL world

Hello My Loves,

I hope this finds you in good health and faith. I have recently been thinking of becoming more open with my discussions; MORE free and light hearted in a sense with harder topics. I feel passionate speaking on them. And I have truly lived these experiences. I honestly feel it would be of disservice if I kept my learning to myself. I hold back Alot..some topics still too sensitive to mould with wisdom; and this takes time and healing.

Other topics, I assume too sensitive for others. What I am realising is that, the things I share may not be for everyone and that’s ok. I am here to serve those who can relate; not EVERYONE.

So if you are a regular Blog reader, then I assume you are my audience and I’d like to serve you. Please, if there is a topic you’d like me to discuss in writing or in video via YouTube – message me I’d love to respond.

Meanwhile, I have a NEW video below. A hearty chat on Self Love..

 

Love,

Ilham

Ramadan Reads 2019 | Video

Hello my love,

I thought I’d check in and wish you a Ramadan Mubarak in person (kind of) hehe!

I am on a spiritual high this weekend, Alhamdulilaah. I have been blessed to share Iftar with the community a few times as well as pray the night prayers at the Mosque (Taraweeh) and I am ever so grateful to my Lord. Just being in the company of people coming together for his sake, just to share and generously give; has given me so much hope and a warm feeling that will stay with me for the week ahead.

Despite me feeling like I am missing something, I am accepting the opportunity my Rabb wants to give me. I am trying to see the blessings of what is unknown to me.

I hope you see them too.

 I’ve linked a video down below just saying hello and sharing a couple of Books with you, and a little message.

I pray you are well, please keep my family and I in your Duas.

Love,

Ilham

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Love notes to single Mothers this Ramadan

photography of brown concrete dome building

This Ramadan I want to remind you that your Lord, Allah- He sees it all. He understands your weakness and there is strength in that if you are still willing to move forward and keep going despite the challenges that come with it all.

First love note: You are doing amazing, despite you thinking you need to do more. Right now it is enough, because you and I both know that if you were able to physically and emotionally do more, you would. Simplify your expectations of yourself and your life in this season of yours. Small steps toward yourself is healing.

Second love note: This is a time of survival, feed yourself well. sleep or take rest when you need to, yes during Ramadan! Guilt free. You need only show up healthy for the tending to your little tribe and for the basic requirements needed to fulfil Ramadan.

Third love note: Pray for yourself, remember to pray for yourself. Pray for your healing, your guidance, your health, your protection. In times of difficulty, it is so easy to focus on praying for the relief but pray for yourself in all aspects.

That is all from me my dear, patience and gratitude will keep you going and you will find some relief each time. In sha Allah

love,

Ilham

5 Pre Ramadan Self Care Investments

two massage table near palm trees

Hello and Asslamu Alaykum

Ramadan as I viewed it, used to be one of Self Sacrifice and preparing everything around me; except for myself. Humility meant deprivation- depriving oneself, tiring oneself and refusing oneself of the bounties of Allaah azawajal before the welcoming of this blessed month.

Ramadan as I viewed it, was lack of Self Care because, how dare I need more and still be forgiven. Was I not grateful for all that I already have? A comfy bed, plenty of food. Why would I possibly need these holiday extras when I am indeed preparing for a month where I should be giving..

Here’s the thing, unless you wake up and start deeming these things important, you’re not welcoming Ramadan the way that it needs you to welcome it. You won’t be truly present, you cannot observe from a place of genuine want, from a place of charity, from a place of desire to please your creator because you’ll be half hearted. Come into Ramadan this year filled with your needs so you can truly ask and fulfil Ramadan.

Here are some really worthwhile investments you could make before Ramadan to Help you kick start your Healing

1- Dental Hygiene/Cleaning

Plan a trip to the dentist to get your teeth cleaned. Teeth cleaning removes the bacteria that causes plaque and prevents you from developing Gum Disease. 

It freshens your breath, which is really a wonderful start to Ramadan, especially if you are interacting with people all day. Depending on your country, this may be something you cannot get access to a few days in advance due to a waiting list but the idea is to invest some money into yourself to do this according to when YOU want something done. Don’t wait around, maybe this could be an investment you make habitual and do every year just before Ramadan. This is actually my second year adhering to this habit, I’m doing this last minute too!

2-  Massage 

Massages can be awkward, especially if you’re shy or battle with body confidence. I would encourage you to shift your perspective of massages being a luxury to a necessity in dire times. Perhaps thinking of it as a medical need takes off the pressure a little by telling yourself ‘actually, I need this to Heal’ it’s a type of therapy. This is how you come into a mindset of caring for your health and Self Care. I recently treated myself to my first ever hot stone massage around two weeks ago while I was on holiday in Istanbul, Turkey. Some of the benefits of a hot stone massage include- opening of the blood vessels which encourages blood flow throughout the body. The hot stones can also relieve chronic pain, reduce stress and promote deep relaxation. There are many different medical massage treatments out there, it’s a new discovery for me and I encourage you to look into it.

Cupping Therapy/Massage

Wet Cupping or Hijaamah is a Sunnah (way of the prophet) peace and blessings be upon him. Some of the benefits of Cupping include, relieving back, neck pain and stiffness. Also, fatigue, anxiety and migraine to mention a few. If you feel that you have poor energy flow through your body, maybe it is a good idea to get this done before Ramadan? Although I would remind you, it is a good idea to leave yourself a few days to rest and recover after your treatment to eat, drink and so fourth before you do start your fast. Inform yourself and cater to your needs accordingly.

3- Suanas

If you have access to a Sauna studio near you, where you do not have to be a member. Great!! You could create a day pass on a females only day or males only day.  Going to the saunas is going to be an amazing way to kick start the detoxification process. It will flush the toxins out of your body through all the sweating you’ll be doing. It will improve your circulation and relieve stress too. I do miss a good sauna session, it’s been a while.

4- Visit your Doctor/GP or a Holistic Doctor

Visit your Doctor and take some tests to see if you are deficient in anything, use these tests as a guide to understand what foods you could include or up in your diet. For example, you may need more calcium. You would then of course try and increase your intake in calcium rich foods and drink. The aim is not to go in and get medicated, but rather to understand your nature and attune to that and serve your health requirements.  This is something I personally need to do and so especially if you are a Mother, please consider this.

5- Supplements

You may want to consider including some healthy supplements to help you through your fasting day. I am personally iron deficient and so during Ramadan especially, I try to be more consistent in taking my Iron supplement. You may want to consider what you need. Maybe some Omega3 supplements if you are not a fish eater or a Multivitamin. It is all a case of assessing your personal needs and preparing yourself in a way that will allow you to successfully get through your fasting day.

With that, I wish you all a blessed Ramadan and may Allah allow us to reach it and reap its reward!

Tell me in the comments, Which of the above Pre Ramadan Self Care Investments will you take action on NOW?

Love,

Ilham

 

Coaching : Work With Me!!

Email Coaching ONE to One @FruitToFruition

Hello and Welcome,

Today, I have some good news to share with you all. I have decided to dedicate some time in working as a coach with some of you. This is something that I was inspired to do by a few rare souls who have requested this from me.

I often receive Emails and Messages on Social Media with your questions, queries, dilemmas and as much as I would like to help, often I cannot gain enough perspective to be able to help.

I have personally done my hard share of personal internal work and I am still doing the work, and I whole heartedly believe at some point one has to extend an arm to help others.

I have put much thought into the type of service I will offer, as I am very dedicated to my personal life and time is very valuable to me. For this reason the service I will be offering will be Email based for now.

Should you be interested to work with me, I will be offering assistance in ONE or more of the following areas:

Identifying your Depression 

Uncovering your Childhood Trauma/ CPTSD

Inner Child Healing

Understanding Co dependency

Navigating difficult people/personalities

Coming out of Self Neglect/Abandonment and into Self Care

Working with me ONE to ONE through Email is especially accommodating to you if you are someone who has a lot to offload and would like a private, non judgemental, and confidential space to do so at any given hour. This is especially for the HSP (Highly sensitive person) and highly empathic person, who often find it difficult to be offered help or receive it.

I have been there and I absolutely know that writing and communicating  this is the first step to providing you with a place to start your form of self expression and healing. I would love to offer that opportunity to anyone out there who finds it difficult to find a safe space where these topics are discussed and shared. These are real issues in our communities that are taboo, dared to be spoken about and often shameful. We will come out of shame and heal gracefully and I’m offering you the biggest step with open arms.

What am I offering?

You will have 10 sessions with me, that is 10 Emails over the course of 3 Weeks. 

I will send you a short survey where I’d like you to answer a few questions to give me some background. You are able to add or speak on further to this survey Email and it will NOT be a part of the 10 sessions. Our 10 sessions will begin once I have received some feedback from you on the survey.

You will gain:

Clarity

Validation

Self Acutualistion

Self Compassion

Built Self Worth

Motivation 

Healing

I will be here to provide you with guidance and a shoulder to lean on, as well as recommendations and personal resources that will aid you on this journey.

The Email package is 10 sessions over a period of 3 Weeks and will be an Investment of 49 GBP in yourself.

You can Contact me here and I look forward to hearing from you!

 

Best Regards,

Ilham


 

Questions you may want to know the Answers to..

Have you studied for this?

Not Particularly. I Studied a Sociology Degree which is the study of Human Society, Social problems, Structure, Systems and development etc.. So there is definitely a cross over!

Have you personally experienced and navigated Depression, Childhood Trauma.. etc the service you wish to offer?

Yes. First hand.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

Certainly. Faith and Self Belief are two areas that need nurturing along this Journey.

How will I know if this is right for me?

Honestly, you won’t. Unless you try. And then, you trust your feeling and make your decision.